How to Make a New City Feel Like Home

When you move to a new neighbourhood, city or even country everything is exciting in the beginning. And then, after a few weeks, months, years – no matter how long it takes, at some point that new excitement wears off and you might feel a bit lost.

That’s when you start thinking about everything and everyone you left behind: your friends, your family, your favourite coffee shop, or like a friend of mine posted today: “I miss just about everything AVOCADO and KALE!”

While you feel a bit homesick you start asking yourself why you haven’t made any new friends. And then you start to think “maybe there if something wrong with me!”, and end up regretting having moved in the first place.

There’s a reason that moving is consistently listed as one of the most stressful activities people can embark on. And I am not just talking about the stress of physically packing, travelling to a new place and unpacking all your belongings, but there’s also the stress of pulling up your roots and waiting to see if they’ll start growing in new soil.

If you feel like your struggling right now to feel settled in your new place, here are some steps you can take to bring some of the excitement back – and, perhaps, make it feel a bit more like home.

#1 Add a Personal Touch to your Apartment

After living in several apartments in Toronto, I’ve noticed that very rarely I would put in the effort to decorate my living room, hang pictures or invest in designer furniture. Part of it was because I wasn’t planning on staying here longterm in the beginning, but even after I realized that this will be home for the foreseeable future, I still didn’t add any personal touches.

In Rachael Lynn’s book At Home Anywhere she suggests that especially in the first few days after moving to Dubai from Canada, she invested in literal comforts, like a blanket and candles that can make your new home feel a bit more “homey”.

She also says that instead of decorating the whole house, starting with just one corner or one room is enough to make you feel a bit more settled and also give you a sense of completion.

#2 Get to know your Neighbourhood

When you move to a new city it can be extremely tempting and exciting to try out all the new coffee shops, restaurants and yoga classes, right? I always end up with way too many pins on my Google Maps that I end up drinking 4 coffees and having 5 meals if I am not careful.

So instead, pick one coffee shop or restaurant in your neighbourhood and then go back regularly until the people who work there start recognizing you.

This is maybe my favourite tip in Rachael’s book because it’s very easy to do. Whenever you are there, chat with your barista or server, tell them that you’re new to the city and maybe one day they’ll introduce you to someone else. Make sure to learn their names and don’t just go to be working on your laptop or scrolling on your phone.

#3 Find your Comfort Food

This might be one of the best (temporary) cures for homesickness: Eating food from home (especially if it’s your family’s recipe).

I had a friend whose mom regularly would send packages with homemade cookies and other food items while she was studying in College. And I am pretty sure that this made her feel more connected to back home, at least until all the cookies were gone.

So look up restaurants that serve food from your home country or try to get the ingredients to cook a meal with your mom’s or grandmother’s recipe. Taste and smell are such powerful triggers that for me, even going to a Polish restaurant that has the best Schnitzels in Toronto, makes me feel like I am sitting in my grandma’s kitchen.

#4 Continue your Self-Care Routine

Moving to a new city – especially moving to a new country can easily feel overwhelming. While it’d be nice if you could snap your fingers and instantly feel settled in, don’t stress if you end up spending months feeling confused, uprooted, lost, or unwelcome. This is something almost everyone experiences after moving somewhere new, so allow yourself plenty of time to make this new place feel like home.

There might even times when you regret the move and you have a hard time going out and socialize. So making sure to continue (or start creating) your self-care routine is crucial.

So if you had a morning routine, try to keep it going. If you went to the gym three times a week, then try to find a new one in your new area. Whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed after a stressful day – if it’s meditation, yoga, exercise – don’t let it fade away with all the new excitement around you.

#5 Catch up with Old Friends

When I first moved away from my friends and family in Germany one of my biggest challenges was staying in touch with the important people in my life. This was the time before Skype, WhatsApp and Facetime were around, so it was much harder to keep the connections going.

Now, you have this amazing technology that let’s you connect with friends and family in an instant and without expensive phone charges. So if you feel like you’re losing contact with the people you care about, then set up a phone call. Schedule a Skype. Send a postcard.

You won’t be able to hang out with people in person, but this just means that you now have an opportunity to create a new type of friendship. Start with asking how your friends would like to stay in touch: Should you set up weekly calls, maybe a monthly video call, handwritten letters, ….? It’s a great practice to set expectations in the beginning, so neither of you feels guilty for not having followed up enough or feel resentful with the other person.

#6 Connect with the other “Expats”

Now that you found a way to stay in touch with your old friends, it’s time to meet some new ones. Especially when moving to a country where you aren’t fluent with the language or experience serious culture shock, it’s a great idea to connect with others who have made the move, but already feel more settled.

So, research Facebook groups, meetups and events of expats, immigrants or refugees (based on which group you identify yourself with).

When I travelled to Colombia for a few weeks last year, I ended up having way too many small talk conversations because my language skills are still very basic. I just wasn’t able to have any deep conversations in Spanish, so connecting with other English speakers at an expat and digital nomad meetup helped me tremendously.

There is something about experiencing this sense of familiarity when everything feels so different. You can connect with people who are going through similar struggles with the language, the bureaucracy, adjusting to food and culture.

But this might not be the best place to create deep and meaningful friendships.

When I attended a German Parents meetup in Toronto I felt that I had a lot in common with the other parents: we grew up in Germany, we moved to Canada, Engish is our second language, we were new parents, our kids were similar ages, we spoke German to them, …

Yet, I had a hard time building closer relationships with them.

Although we shared a similar “past”, our “future” looked very differently. I was self-employed and working towards financial independence creating experiences and products – they were stay-at-home moms that live in a big house, didn’t have to worry about retirement and planned their next big cruise.

Our values, goals and dreams just weren’t aligned – which in my opinion is one of the most important foundations for authentic, longterm friendships.

In my Find YOUR People Online Course I share the exact steps you can take if you are struggling with meeting new people and creating deep, meaningful friendships in the new city that you moved to.

For me, it took years to find my community in Toronto because I was just saying yes to ALL THE EVENTS instead of choosing the ones where I am most likely to meet like-minded people. So, if you’re ready for the first step and add your “destination” into your GPS to find YOUR people, then join me inside my online course.